I have been mulling over whether or not to post something about this for a few days. It has been weighing heavily on my heart.
However, I don't want to be yet another person who talks about Jon and Kate yet doesn't even know them.
Another person who pretends to know what should be done, but probably fails just as miserably in their marriage everyday. Another person who reaches up and removes a brick as their world literally crumbles around them.
I stood in Target yesterday and read the interview with Kate. And my heart broke. I was sad for hours. Cause here's the deal. Whether or not they are famous, whether or not we have watched their lives on TV, whether or not we think we know them, these are real people.
Real people with real children. Real people whose real children can't even go to the grocery store without seeing pictures of their parents plastered all over the tabloids.
Jon and Kate could be any of us. Have they had unusual things happen to them? Yes. Not many people have twins and sextuplets and then let the world watch them try to navigate their challenges daily. But they are not any different than us.
And they are Christians. Really, truly. I picked up Kate's latest book in the store the other day. Page after page, she has filled with scripture verses, and stories of her walk with God. So what is my duty as a fellow Christian? The answer to me, has become clear. Not to sit and gossip more about them, and speculate on whose at fault and what went wrong.
But to pray for them.
Just as I would for couple I know, or know of, whose marriage and world seem to be falling apart. Whatever has gone on, a marriage in crisis is devastating. And they need people not to talk about them to other people, but to intercede on their behalf.
So that's what I have vowed to do- to shut my mouth, stop reading the magazines, and take them to the feet of Jesus. For He alone knows them best, knows their hearts, and can heal whatever is broken.
I didn't post it over there because I just wasn't sure...well, I don't know what I was unsure of. But I never clicked the publish button.
My heart is so burdened for this family.
All of this is paralleling a journey that God seems to be taking me on regarding marriage. My marriage to be specific. Even more specifically, what God wants from me in my marriage.
Marriage is HARD.
I don't think this is a secret. At least among people who have been married longer than a minute. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, including parenting. Parenting kind of comes naturally. These small squirmy little people come out and you fall totally in love. It is in my very nature to pour myself into my little people, to give and give and give to them with little in return. Is it hard? Yes. But the selflessness of it has been somewhat natural.
The selflessness required in marriage has not been so natural, or so easy. I would say we did pretty well our first few years of marriage. Were there hard days? Yes. And some fights? Yes. But for the most part, we were happy. Even after Jayden was born, we stayed pretty happy.
This past year, though, WOW. We have struggled. And I have seen ugly, ugly, ugly things come out of us. Mostly me.
I have cried and prayed. I have berated myself for my selfish, sassy, hateful (yes, hateful), and even spiteful behavior towards this man I call my husband. I have resolved to be better. But, mostly, I have been angry. Angry that I clean so much. Angry that I don't sleep enough. Angry that I have to have help to take a shower. Angry that Dan gets breaks in his days and again, I have to have help to have a break. Someone has to GIVE me a break. I don't just get to take one. I've built up resentment. I have focused on my own needs, on my rights, on all the things I deserve and should have and don't get.
As my anger and resentment has grew, we have only fought more. Dan has only become less loving, less kind, and less helpful (I don't mean this in a critical way, I'm just making the point that my anger does no good for our marriage, and just alienates Dan more).
And I have continued to ignore my call to love my husband.
I picked up the book Sacred Marriage. A few people have recommended it and I figured it was time to read it.
Holy smokes. Talk about a smack in the face. In a good way, of course.
God shouted at me through the pages of just the first two chapters. I am failing miserably as a wife.
My focus has been so wrong, without my even realizing it at times.
Is my job as a mom of two very young boys super hard? Yes. Is it made more difficult by the fact that Dan works and is in school full-time? Yes.
But that doesn't matter! When my focus comes off myself, onto Jesus, and then subsequently onto Dan and HIS needs, things get so much better.
My call in marriage is to be like Jesus. To lay down my life, to love with all I have, to have grace, mercy, and kindness. To do the things I vowed to do. To do the things I set out to do when I said yes to this man who I really really really love. Who I wouldn't know what to do if I ever lost. Who I long to be wonderful to. Oh, how I long to be more loving towards him. Thank God Dan is a gracious, loving man who, for some reason, loves me just the way I am.
We have to fight for our marriage.
This all brings me back to our "friends" Jon and Kate. My heart is broken for them because I fear they are making the same mistake so many make in marriage. Selfishness. And I know that they are Christians, that they have made their relationships with God a priority in the past. Oh how I pray God will work a miracle in their broken marriage. I pray they will remember their vows. I pray that Jon will remember not to forsake the wife of his youth. I pray that Kate will make choices she needs to make to fight for their marriage.
I pray that God will speak to them the same way He has spoken to me.
